Custard Stand Executive by Day, Stripper By Night and All-Around ET Lover Outs Herself.

ABOUT US

I know what I am and I’ve decided to out myself.  Make a game of it.  I’m stuck part-time in this America and I have this American girl, Chelsea Nicole, to thank for it.

Chelsea Nicole, Age 10

“She” had a fascination for Extra-Terrestials since age 5 that was driving her family mad.  All this ‘LOVE” pulled me here to Earth.  As for “me”…I am called ITI, by a bizarre co-oincidence what you here call an “ET”, an extra-terrestial, and in my hometown what is called a Fourth Generation Plebianessa from Nearby The Regionless Fifth Crator and The Tenth in line for the Crown of Lady Lalita…Thank You.

How did I get here on Your Earth?  My trust fund doesn’t actually kick in until 33891 and so to pass some time,  I went undercover as a a travel writer hoping to have some hot sex in some brave new worlds.  I was hired by Go! The Mysteries of the Ninth Powers Series to write The Guide To The Fourth Earth and something seems to have gotten royally f-ed up.

Namely, Chelsea Nicole.

I have been unwittingly trading neurons, simple teleportation, dreams and food-body existence with this Chelsea Nicole, at this time juncture, a 21 year old, high-all-the time summer-help waitress at a custard stand by day and a stripper by night at the Babes in Boyland Bar in a place called The Atlantic City on The New Jersey on The Earth.

I absolutely did not know this was the case until I began to have repeating images and dreams of mistakenly receiving a “strawberry sno-cone” between my eyes hurled by a screaming jilted woman crying something like: “Mother Father!” and a man ducking in front of me in a crowd.

B’aam!  Right in my third-eye kisser!  I wake up everytime surrounded by sweating “beach-goers” calling me “Chelsea-Nicole”, “Chelsea-Nicole are you dead?”, “Chelsea-Nicole, speak to us!” and shoving and waving items in my face whose names are becoming increasingly clear to me each time the dream re-occurs…foul smelling ungents called: “Sani-wipes”, “St. Pauli Girl” and “Coppertone”.

I am making the best of it since then, slowly coming around into this Chelsea Nicole earthling.  Yes, the pic above she is about 10 and I have to admit she is kinda cute the more we hang. Here is a quick photo album, the second one, although sometimes very smeared, from crying and God-Knows-What…this is what is most often what I see.

For “earth people” reading this who want to see ME…ITI…I don’t have a “body”…I have millions of bodies.  So to be constantly ported into the same one is very distressing and uncomfortable.  (When CN strips at night in the club it is much, much fun but I get ahead of myself…)

Let this picture suffice for now:

So long story short, I can’t control anymore when the neurons, thoughts, etc. from the one Chelsea Nicole half of me mixes with the other half that has always been me.  In fact I don’t really know who is looking at who.  The neurosis is killing me.

“Bloggin” discovered is my only salvation…so here’s why I, um, can talk to everyone else beyond Chelsea-Nicole.  And I am in the same boat as you because I cannot know who is writing when either.  (she is passed out now so I’m fairly certain this is Pure Iti here;-)

Her obsession and voracious eating of US Weekly, People and Perez Hilton and the show called  ET (I actually like this one, heh,heh,heh) is actually my ticket out.   When she is tired, stoned or asleep at the computer I get to do this blog on the sly.  I am hoping that through this internet matrix, someone out there will hear me!!!  I read how this is so for the earthlings and so maybe it will work for me too.  (bedding a celeb or two won’t hurt either)

So here is the plan (beside the bedding…) Blog first, My Travel Guide next  (working title: Iti’s Tantric Time Travel Guide….nice, right?)  After that, Start A Religion, A Country, A Dominion…I have to!  You people don’t know how lucky you are on this planet!  While I have to be at the whims of a waitress and stripper by day, YOU have every moment in YOUR POWER.

In the end if you read this blog I/we have some rules..all ETs have missions and so I will have one too.  Look, if I am not assured of my Ladyship and Martyrdom in my own sweet sphere, I must operate from where I am.  I am still on the prowl for hot sex but will settle for indoctrination of humans to pass my time.

ITI Rules   (spiced by Chelsea Nicole)

NAKED IS GOOD. NAKED AMBITION, NAKED BODIES, NAKED HEARTS.

HEAR + ACT FROM EXHULTATION ONLY.

PROCEED AS LUXURIOUSLY AS POSSIBLE.

IF YOU MUST BE CHEAP, BE CHEERFUL.

STRIPPED OF EVERYTHING, YOU WILL FIND ONLY  HAPPINESS.

STRIVE TO BE AS ROMANTIC AS JESUS.

LATEST LUXURIES: A SMILE AND A ROBE, AKA THE RICHES OF A GURU

ENJOY EVERY FOIBLE AND FOLLICLE OF THE FAMOUS BUT REMEMBER THERE IS MUCH MORE THAN THAT AND BITS OF MEAT TO SCAMPER FOR.

I AM MADE TO MOVE MOUNTAINS AND TAKE YOU ACROSS, ENJOY THE RIDE.

(thanks Rumi!)

Love, “American Style”… Iti