Iti’s Got Her Monthly. Celebriti Chakra Round-Up for May

28May09

Prizes One thru Nine.  Crazy Celebs Knockin’ Their Chakras

and…Shining Star Celebs Rockin’ Their Chakras.

(Iti’s Monthly PMS Ranting Note: You ask…What is a “Chakra”?)  The latest it-purse to be on a waiting list for?  A sneaker from Japan? No to both and you can’t buy or beg, you already have them. Celebritis…They’re Just Like Us! They have these Energy Wheels too! Go here to see what they wheely are, Google or Wiki it…

CELEBS KNOCKIN’ THEIR CHAKRAS 

First Base Rooted Down (?) Chakra Prize to Lady Barrymore 

We are all about exploring our roots (although this hairstyle and pose could use some of that deep dark exploration…) but Drew talking a a remake of ET???? Contact my agent, I’ll show ya a remake with a real alien…no re-touching or make-up department necessary!

La Sexy (?) Second Chakra Prize to Pedro Almodovar

What has become of Pedro Almodovar’s beloved vulva?  

The filmmaker who knows women from deep within meets “Housewives, Everywhere!” genre TV shows?   Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown is slated to become a television series for Fox, with Penelope Cruz … but still!  Iti…me SCARED.

The Sheer Will Power (?)Third Chakra Prize is tied between Separated-at-Birth, Celebretinis Lady Gaga and Tila Tequila…CELEBRITINIS IS KNOCKIN!

 

The Mistresses of Middleiciousness and Internet roping power scared up some power-trippin’ silly controversy this month…Gaga refutes being in the “fake” Rihanna’s song on Kanye’s blog and Tila teases about being knocked up by a major hip-hop star! Ladies!  T A L E N T speaks louder than homemade tailer park G O S S I P…but here you are trashing up my alien blog…so um…

The True Love (?) Fourth Heart Chakra Prize to Boy George

In prison for chaining a male escort to a wall at his East London home…at least someone showed some love for Boy George’s talents beyond his Red-light District street-cleaning karma.  (Read on to see how Paris Hilton adopts the same self-breast-love movements…)

The Fifth Gettin’ Creative (?) Chakra Prize to Pharrell for his McDonalds Dance Moves 

Mon Dieu Pharrell! Ya might be in Paris with boy pals for collabs with Takashi Murakami, Louis Vuitton peeps, art dealer Emmanuel Perrotin and Jacob the Jeweler to innovatively “pave everyday objects in precious stones” for “artworks with a dash of bling” to be unveiled at the Art Basel fair next month…and still you feel it necessary to dance for for your dinner …at McDonalds no less?  Worse still, you deny the whole darn blingy thing.

The Third Eye Higher Vision(?) Sixth Chakra Prize to Paris Hilton

Usually so smartly accessorized, I feel as though Paris misread her “Take one accessory off before leaving the house” third eye higher wisdom and should not have actually taken off her forehead bindi between her eyes which matched the necklace, headband, wristlet, bust decor and front fanny pack before leaving the house for the Inglourious Basterds red carpet in Cannes.  Ya think?

The Power and Glory (?) Seventh Chakra Prize to Twitter

Pick the scariest idea in the following four sentences and you win…Nothing At All! Zero!

• Mostly Zero! is the sum of interest of most Twitter and Facebook posts therefore making it the perfect fodder for a TV show! 
• The Show will pit twits as they pursue Celebritis!
• Let’s all chase Ashton and Diddy!
• 60% of Twitterers drop off the radar as soon as they sign up!

sounds like a twit hit…

The Heady Star Power (?) Eighth Chakra Prize to Kiefer Sutherland for headbutting 

 

Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough alledgedly suffered a headbutting by loses-head-when-drunk Kiefer outside the SubMercer in NYC…over Brooke Shields??? Maybe a case of some bossy bottoms getting between those Calvins after all.

The Coupla-Lovers (?) Beyond “Really…It’s All About Me” Knockin’ The Big Star Ninth Chakra Award to Candies Foundation in honor of Bristol and Levi  

Bristol says: “If girls realized the consequences of sex, nobody would be having sex,” she said. “Trust me, nobody.”  Well, since this newly reformed Candie’s Foundation Spokesperson For Abstinence (while cradling her baby) and Levi (while a bit uncomfortable in the unscrupulous media eye) cannot find the space to decide if they should stay together after using the rythym and Ouija board method of sex and the truth and consequences of both…teenage sexual relationships will have to rely on scary sonogram images as a prevention method.  Put a Jimmy Hat on all Celebriteenies immediately!

PS..this is a Candies ad

CELEBS ROCKIN THEIR CHAKRAS

First Base Root Down Chakra Prize to the city of London + T-Mobile  

Hey! Don’t Bring Me Down, Indeed...13,500 Londoners together sing Hey Jude. See the Hey Jude! video here.  Enough to give an ET chills!

La Second Chakra Sexy Prize to Porn Star Sasha Grey

LA Times video of the porn superstar shows a smartly shining “stereotype-breaking” woman who will star as an escort in Soderbergh’s film, The Girlfriend Experience. Determined to be a role model, she is rollin’ in her model role for sure. Unfortunately, some man people just don’t get it. See Gawker‘s stupid and condescending interview with Sasha Grey here.

The Sheer Will and Power Third Chakra Prize to Charlotte Gainsbourg

How To Top the Brown Bunny at Cannes.  “Charlotte took it too far. I tried to, but I just couldn’t stop her,”  said Lars von Trier of Charlotte’s Best Actress win in the gory thriller about a woman’s descent into madness,  Antichrist. (see the video on popbytes here.)  Willem Dafoe, for Christsakes,  follows her into The Dark Forest for healing and turns up lots of  blood and talking animals.

The True Love Fourth Heart Chakra Prize to Spring Fever Director Lo Ye

 

To Russia…With Love!  Yo, apparently ya can’t keep a gay man down, even in China. Kudos to Lo Ye for navigating around the bossy bottom bureaucrats in China and making a gay love story, Spring Fever, which also premiered this month at Cannes.

The Big Voice Fifth Chakra Rockin’ to Model Sessilee Lopez 

The June issue of Harper’s Bazaar smartly follows in the footsteps of Italian Vogue‘s all-black issue and Michelle Obama’s example for exquisite images of a black woman living in grace, power and wealth. The inter-racially-motivated aliens of my home planet thank Glenda Bailey and Stephan Gan, photographer, Alexi Lubomirski and most of all model, Sessilee Lopez. (But Sess, really…Kanye?)

The Sixth Big Third Eye Chakra Prize to Russell Simmons

May marked Russell’s appointment as the “Goodwill Ambassador For The Permanent Memorial To Honor The Victims Of Slavery And The Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade” by the United Nations. Slated to be completed in 2012, Russell continues to use his yogic and philanthropic attitude to bring understanding and progress to your little Earth. We like it.

The Fame and Glory Seventh Chakra Prize to Geoffrey B. Small

One to watch…GBS does hand-made, limited edition, thoughtful and timeless pieces of clothing.  He is known to let his models dress themselves for the runway since they know their bodies best.  A Time-traveling,Dr. Who style for sure.

The Star Power Eighth Chakra Prize to Drew Barrymore

Redeemed Celebriti Status.  Who cares what her hair looks like if she is marching to protest the archaic Prop 8?  All the gays in the Universe are cheering!

The Ninth Big Star, Beyond “Really…It’s All About Me” Chakra Prize To ME! To The Goddess in Everyone!

Certainly 35,000 years of STAR stayin power is saying something…C’est si bon, cette celebriti…oui ou non?  Noteworthy are the usual anatomy pump ups still prevailing thousands of years later…(Ya can’t keep those good breasts down!) But Earthlings… do note the refreshing lack of liposuction on that Bossy Bottom.  Thank Goddess, me don’t have a body for nips, tucks and fat excavations!

eeewww!  Until next month…

Love American Style,

Iti

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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