CHAKRAS: What They Wheely Are.



Welcome to:





You Earthlings all talk about your intuitive “third-eye” and how your heart or your stomach or your lady flowers and man tools seem to have “minds” their own.  You certainly know by this point how electric your thoughts can be in terms of manifesting everything in your life, whether it is a stress headache or a new job.

Just as there are nine planets in the ocean of the solar system, many cultures for thousands of years have recognized that there are seven or nine main “energy wheels” aka “Chakras” (the Sanskrit word) in your body corresponding perfectly to your fleshy organs, capricious mind and sloppy emotions.  If you get sick in your body it would be because these babies are clogged with gunky thought byproducts aka negativity, hatred, judgement or sorrow.

Thank Einstein who revealed that you are really electric, and perhaps you too can learn better driving techniques with an official welcome to the driver wheels of your electric thoughts and experiences.  You are at the dashboard of these wheels like the driver of a car, responsible for the car’s upkeep, fuel, check-ups, fine-tunings and your own capable state of affairs before approaching the wheel.

Here is a quick manual of your electric body parts…your very own set o’ wheels! Meet them all and see what they do!



1     ROOT CHAKRA.   At the base of your spine, this wheel is all about survival, tribe, community, family and keeps you connected like an electric umbilical cord to the earth itself.  Known in the East as “Kundalini” or “serpent power” this is that idea scares the “Christians” and others who fear snakes and anything that could ascend a tree of knowledge (should one of these happen to appear.)


2    EARTHY CREATIVE ENERGY WHEEL CHAKRA.  Four fingers below the navel…your Lady flowers and Man tools do their thing from this place.  This wheel also controls our desires and emotions such as hope, fear, dreams, sex and money. Fight or Flight, this is where your adrenals are sitting and telling you what to do. This image is by Rudy Rucker, one of the original cyberpunks, although in case of an atom bomb going off I might choose the flight option more like a jet vs. hovering happy air balloon.


3    THIRD SOLAR PLEXUS NEXUS CHAKRA.  Not just where you do your tum tum tucks and pack the six-pack, the fire in your belly means more than indigestion.  It is the place of your health, earthly physical power and your relationships and basic understanding of other earthlings. Thank you to the UK Reiki Association for this compelling, scientific and anatomically frightening image.

pierre and gilles

IV-A-194  HEART WHEEL OF LOVE CHAKRA.  In this energy center, the heart loves, the breasts nurture and the arms embrace.  Thank you Pierre et Gilles for the bored hipster Christ figure and we don’t know who to thank for the cool X-ray 1950’s girl but you can see how the arms and hands emanate from the heart clearly in this image and that’s why it’s here in case you meet a heart-lovin, glad-handed pair of healin’ hands.


5  THE VOICE OF CREATIVITY AND EXPRESSION CHAKRA.  Located at the throat, the human voice potentially beautifully and creatively connects people, makes music and pleasure.  If it’s clogged you get pontificating fools who pretend to defend their tribe but actually make a mess of things. If a culture of leaders tie knots at their throat and call them “power ties” as signs of authority…beware!  (But you already knew that!)


6   THE THIRD EYE CHAKRA.  Like a miner’s headlight, the third eye wisdom can take Earthlings beyond a simplistic dual vision of Life  (think good and evil, etc.) and a world seen just with physical eyes a world of Possibility…seeing the vibes, feeling intuitions and shining a knowledgable spiritual light on everything we see.  If you ever actually see a human with actual three eyes, they are actually an alien. The whole key to this third-eye is that it can’t be seen with the naked eye, that’s how you know it’s there doing its thing.

Film Review The Love Guru

7  THE GURU CHAKRA.  Sitting right behind the third eye energy center is what is known as the Guru Chakra.  Since there is always one who wears the actual pants in the Family, this guru can be seen as the “pants of the third eye.”  It has nothing at all to do with the Love Guru pictured above or men in dresses vs. pants.  In Sanskrit, the term is “Sat Guru” it translates to “The Guru Inside” and of course, Guru means “One Who Brings The Light”, so you can easily remember a guru just sitting there or has sat there and you’re good to go!

crown chakraklimt 8th

8  THE LIFE’S PATH CHAKRA.  Located above one’s head like a crown, an aura or field of flowers, this is your path in life, the experiences and the career choices.  The best part is, it’s up to you, you can see yourself having a halo like a saint, (or another Pierre et Gilles smug hipster, as above) a field of flowers like a drug addict or a pulsating field like the little gif at the top of this post. Isn’t it great how we all can see different things and yet really…it’s all light, One and the same?


9   BLISS CHAKRA.  There’s only one of these and we all share it.  Beyond Time and Space…you already know this place.  Go Often and bring back the Good News to the People of The Earth.  Tell them to lighten up, look up to themselves and others and stop complaining and all of you! And clean your room (Earth) before it’s too late.

Love, American Style, Iti


5 Responses to “CHAKRAS: What They Wheely Are.”

  1. Love this plus the Pierre et Gilles painting = divine.

  2. 2 itiphonehome

    THX LOVE. I know, it’s very good and The Alien re-reads it over and over again like a chant, rubbing it’s genie belly til the tapas burns her path to everlasting Love and Fame. What I like is in the Limo, not Limbo. May you find yours Cali Kali Girli.

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